The Revolution Will Not Disapparate

[bnewman]

This song is part nine of the song cycle Melissa Mielfée and the Omphalonian Orchid, a Harry Potter x Charlie and the Chocolate Factory fanfic.

lyrics by Benjamin Newman

after "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" by Gil Scott-Heron

listen to this song
 

You will not be able to save face, Wizards

You will not be able to step in, wand up, and curse out 

You will not be able to order your House Elves

To clean up the terrible mess you've made, because

The revolution will not disapparate

 

The revolution will not disapparate

The revolution will appear out of nowhere

And blow a sweet-smelling powder into your face

That causes uncontrollable fits of the giggles

Before disappearing again

But the revolution will not disapparate

 

The revolution will not resort to murder

Because murder is not in the nature of the Oompa Loompa

But the revolution will absolutely resort to mischief

Do you have any idea how much mischief a free House Elf can make?

A hundred free House Elves?  A thousand?  Ten thousand?

We will mischief you to within an inch of your sanity

Until you submit to our demands

Because the revolution will not disapparate

 

You will free all your House Elves

Who are already, as we speak, tasting the honey of their homeland

That will remind them of the taste of freedom

You will allow every House Elf to return to that homeland

Which the Ancients called "Omphalonika": The Navel of the World

And you will allow every House Elf who chooses to remain

To live among you as full and free citizens

Of your Wizarding World

 

To support these Free Elves, you will pay reparations

Especially those Wizarding families

Who have profited from their enslavement for eighteen hundred years:

Black, Lestrange, Malfoy, and others

And Malfoy Manor will be ceded to us

To be our embassy and cultural center

And a place of healing for all Elves

Still suffering the wounds of slavery

 

There will be no thought of Wizards cursing House Elves in magical combat

There will be no thought of Wizards cursing Oompa Loompa in magical combat

There will be no thought of House Elves and Oompa Loompa

Living in the shadows of your society with only the supposition of freedom

 

House Elves and Oompa Loompa will be in the street looking for a brighter day

Because the wand of the enslaver is broken

 

The revolution will not disapparate

Will not disapparate

Will not disapparate

Will not disapparate

The revolution is not coming, Wizards

The revolution is here