Bytecode in the .Jar

[bnewman]

Java object code comes, like whiskey, in "jars" ("java archive" files), and, like the protagonist of the original song, the singer in this one tries to steal it and gets his comeuppance from a woman he has foolishly underestimated.

lyrics by Benjamin Newman

ttto: "Whiskey in the Jar" trad. Irish

 

listen to this song

/: G - Em - / C - G - :/

 

As I was looking over a website wise and witty

I saw a Java applet there whose graphics were so pretty

So I unzipped the archive, but no source code was inside her

I said: Stand and deliver, for I've got a decompiler!

 

/ D - / G - / C - / GD G /

 

public static void main(String[] args)

Hide all your source away

I'll find it anyway

There's bytecode in the .jar!

 

I opened up the files and renamed the function headers

But the logic was so clean I couldn't make it any better

So I changed the attribution and made out I was the author

All supposing any applet can't be told from any other

 

public static void main(String[] args)

I'll claim this code is mine

A lie on every line

There's bytecode in the .jar!

 

Next week I got an email from the author of the applet

And she said: I know you stole it and I know just how you hacked it

For you tried to change the headers but your changes were too sloppy

And the call graph is a perfect match which proves your code's a copy

 

public static void main(String[] args)

Try stealing code from me

It's plain for all to see

There's bytecode in the .jar!

 

Well, I hoped my bit of thieving wouldn't do more than annoy her

But the email that she sent me also went to my employer

And they told me when they fired me: That sure was a stupid gamble

With this black mark on your record your career will be in shambles

 

public static void main(String[] args)

It's time this loser leaves

We won't consort with thieves

There's bytecode in the .jar!

 

Now my reputation's toast just like it sank in molten lava

I'll make no more foolish boasts and I won't ever write in Java

And I'll take nobody's code that doesn't say it's for the taking

For I thought I'd get away with it but sure I was mistaken

 

public static void main(String[] args)

The moral of this tale:

Code theft's an epic fail

There's bytecode in the .jar!