The Wonderful Thing About Triggers

[bnewman]

Not to be confused with other kinds of "triggers" which are less wonderful, these are subroutines that a database server executes when certain events occur.

by Benjamin Newman

after "The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers" by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman

listen to this poem

The wonderful thing about triggers

Is triggers are wonderful things

They normalize all of your numbers

They sanitize all of your strings

They're bits of code that servers load

When certain deeds are done

But the most wonderful thing about triggers

Is they're automatically run!

 

The wonderful thing about triggers

Is triggers are awfully neat

They run when an op is beginning

They run when an op is complete

They're subroutines for big machines

That weigh a metric ton

But the most wonderful thing about triggers

Is they're automatically run!

 

The terrible thing about triggers

Is ours are a bit of a mess

If one isn't explained with a comment

Its purpose is anyone's guess

They're full of fright and hard to write

And fixing them's no fun

But the most wonderful, terrible thing about triggers

Is they're automatically run!

 

The most wonderful, terrible thing about triggers

Is they're automatically run!