David of the FTC
Jul. 1st, 2020 08:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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A tribute written in honor of my father's retirement. He worked as an attorney for the Federal Trade Commission for almost his entire professional career, fighting for truth, justice, and fair dealing.
listen to this song
lyrics by Benjamin Newman
ttto: "Charlie on the MTA" by Jacqueline Steiner and Bess Lomax Hawes
after "The Ship That Never Returned" and "The Wreck of the Old '97"
listen to this song
/ D - G - / D - A - / 1st / D A D - /
Let me tell you a story 'bout a man named David
As heroic as he can be
Put on a suit and tie, kissed his wife and kid
Went to work for the FTC
He swiped his Fast Pass at the West Portal station
Took the inbound to Market Street
Went to fight against fraud and unfair competition
With an team that just can't be beat
And he's still on the case
He's our top legal ace
And he's really found his place
He's got a real predilection for consumer protection
He's the lawyer who's still on the case
He played softball with all his friends from the office
And hardball with all his foes
His foes were dishonest scum who were as dumb as they come
Better pray you're not one of those
Because he's still on the case
He's got both eyes on the chase
And you won't get past third base
Better take a vacation, or you'll face litigation
He's the lawyer who's still on the case
For over 42 years he fought monopoly mergers
And protected consumers' rights
Saved American dreams from lots of pyramid schemes
Not to mention caffeinated tights!
But now he's off of the case
He was our top legal ace
And he'll be hard to replace
His briefs were inspiring, but now he's retiring
He's the lawyer who's off of the case